Ning shows concern

I cut my finger 2 days ago using the new ceramic knife on lotus roots.

Before she showers, she said, "Mummy remember, do not wet your finger. You just watch me shower by myself. You sit in the bathroom far away ah."

While drying Ning yesterday,  the wound hurt a lot and I squirmed.

Ning said, "Mummy, if your finger is painful I can dry myself."

In the end, I used the hair dryer on her.

Am very touched by her thoughtfulness.

Lego Land Malaysia 4

Lego Land Malaysia 3

Lego Land Malaysia 2

Lego Land Malaysia 1

We went over for children's day and the Saturday after. It was fun and everything was new.

Can't wait for the resort to be completed!

Dirty Dozen & Clean 15

Reminder:

Buy organic for the dirty dozen.
Include more clean 15 foods in diet.

So it begins... Sun, 10 Jun 2012

With a nature's call at 3:30am on Sunday morning. On wiping, brown discharge was found, 3 times in a row.

Nothing on pad in the morning. But each toilet visit, the brown discharge was there. By noon, on washing, few clots of red and brown discharge bout 2 inches went down the drain. Still nothing on pad.

It is Sunday night now, 9:30pm, still the same. Brown discharge on washing but nothing on panties (pad removed). Should I start on the antibiotics now? Gosh, wished i could call up to ask!!!

Gotta put a few pads in my bag for the office tomorrow.

Mon, 11 Jun: this morning the discharge turned black. Went to KKH just to be sure everything is okay. Very giddy. 24-hrs clinic doctor on duty was emphatic, said expect miscarriage any day now, and yes to start antibiotics. She covered me with medical leave til Thursday.

Tue, 12 Jun, evening: The pain begins. The cramps started at dinner time. Lasted til bed time, was turning and groaning on sofa for fear of waking Ning.

Wed, 13 Jun, 4:30am: Woke up with urge to use toilet. Saw red looking over tummy. Went to bathroom to wash. On squatting, many clumps of liver like tissues fell out with gush of blood. Kept the water running til the drainage hole was covered. Every time i stood up, i felt something flow down legs. Had to squat again.

This carried on for almost an hour. Lougong checked on me, i was afraid he would fear seeing the tissues, but luckily he did check. I was shaking. He brought in the potty to sit. Thats when i passed out the largest piece, the amniotic sac, shaped and size like the fat Taiwanese sausage.

Tried to dress up and get back to sleep about 6:00 am, but as I laid down on a newspaper lined sofa, pool of blood emerged again. I'm just amazed at how much tissues and blood the body can eject. Threw the panties and night dress away. Finally changed into Ning's diaper and disposable panties and slept til Ning woke at about 7:30am. Lougong had to send her to school so he can take care of me and other things later.

When he left i called the crematorium, undertaker and KKH. The undertaker thought Singapore hospitals were like the US, did mass cremations for fetuses and sea burials. Cost to do it ourselves with prayers around $750 ($50 cremation; coffin $450; $250 prayers). And we needed the doctors permit to cremate. So we went to KKH and checked the rites out.

Doctor recommended admission and 'washing' procedure, but I want to let nature complete its course at home. She relented. They checked the fetus remains handling, confirmed that it'll be discarded as  bio hazard wastes. We asked for permit to cremate. On return, i slept til it was time for Lougong to fetch Ning. Realized i haven't felt the urge to pass urine all day. Drank more red date and ginger water. Lougong arranged the body collection tomorrow at 9:00am.

That night, I distinctly hear something drop on the potty after Ning slept. I passed it out into the potty the morning. I was afraid for Ning. Just wanted this nightmare to be over.

:"(

14 Jun: A man came with some NEA forms to sign and then returned with a big plastic box for my little one's body. We put it in a small white box and wrapped it up with plastic, just in case it shed any more blood or fluids. We had to wait til evening for the cremation slot.

Attended the chanting by a Buddhist monk at Toa Payoh, near Toyogo warehouse. Then Lougong went with them to the Mandai Crematorium for final prayers and actual cremation. They had a box of HL milk with straw on the little coffin.

I went to take Ning home.

15 Jun: We went to collect the ashes from Mandai, there was barely any, at most half a teaspoonful. Then we went out to scattered the ashes at sea.

Fast forward, 1 month later:
I haven't been sleeping well. The dreams of the experience kept haunting me, replay and replay. It is very hard for me to sleep.

In the days before, I kept myself busy, housekeeping, watch dramas, online shopping, houskeeping, shopping. But the nights kept me tortured.

With scarcely enough sleep, I held on to fact I have to be a good Mum to Ning. I had whacked her once, so hard and so long, for not eating that I broke down. I just lost it. My neighbour's new born baby's cries make me cry. People laughing outside / nearby. I want to cry. My mind is devoid of reasoning, just emotions.

Am back at work and trying to hold it together, but it's difficult.

This place reminds me of the stress I went thru before we discovered the fetus heart had stopped beating. How long before this nightmare is over?

Steamed salmon w 'HappyCal' kind of pan

Before cooking:

Ning bawled at Chicken Little

Chicken Little and his dad were walking home sad because dad didn't believe Little about the sky falling.
The scene was long and drawn out with sad music.
Suddenly, Ning bawled out crying!
She felt the sadness and hopelessness that was portrayed and kept crying inconsolably until the commercials were over and Chicken Little woke up to school.
In this respect, I'm proud to say she's like me!!! :-D

Role Playing @ 2 yrs 4 mths

She's been surprising us with role playing a lot recently.

And she's quite serious about it too.

First, the doctor.

Baby's sick. Call the ambulance (and she sounds the siren on her Duplo ambulance).
Takes baby to the hospital. Takes the stethoscope. Listens to baby's chest. Then the back.
Takes temperature. Ok. Baby has a fever. Baby needs medicine. Takes medicine syringe and feeds baby.

And she can repeat this many times over.

Second, the birthday. Her favourite.

Pile all the 15 "five stones" pyramids together to make a cake.
Take REAL camera and place in front.
Sing and clap to "Happy Birthday" song, with FEELING.
Then blow candles. Cut cake (with toy knife). Scoops cake for Mummy & Papa in own plate.

Repeat as many times as Mummy can tolerate before calling it a day :P

Last one, this one caught me off guard, was the waitress.

She went and get a note pad and pen.
Lean over to Mummy (who was reading) and says, "Noodle?".
Mummy, out of context, wasn't sure what was going on, so I repeated, "Noodle?"
And then, she went, "Ok! Noodle! Ning Ning go cook noodle!"
And she happily waddles to her 'kitchen' (with a lot of pots clanking together), and occasional shout, "With corn?!", and Mummy says, "Ok!"

Finally, she comes out with a pot, and a couple of other utensils clasped under her arms to Mummy, and says "Noodle!".

This one's the most amusing one, so far ;-)

Painter Ning, 2012

She loves art & craft, which is mostly spreading paint and water around; cutting strips of paper and pasting it within a drawing.

Grandparents Visit in Nov 2011

She was asking where were Gong Gong Popo the whole week after they returned home. When we replied they went home to Kuala Lumpur, she said "Ning wants to go Kuala Lumpur to go Gong Gong Popo's house too."

Sweet little Ning.

Ning can fib rationally

I'm pretty sure it isn't the first time, but it is the first time I noticed and confirm she did it intentionally!
Today Mummy asked her to take shower but she declined. After Mummy showered, Mummy asked if Ning wanted to shower too. She said Ning Ning showered already. Mummy: "Ning showered yesterday." And she quickly added, "...today!"
Mummy was quite taken aback because I knew she hadn't so I played along and she was visibly pleased with herself for adding "today" on!
Anyway, Mummy's gotta wisen up so that we can still teach her by reasoning rather than sheer authority.
Oh yeah, Popo, she's been "bargaining" since quite young. First time was which breast to suckle at 2 weeks. First verbal, was also same reason. Thinks she has a special preference to one side.
Very frequently, her main requests will be cold Milo, milk outside, in living room, instead of bedroom. Dora panties instead of nappy, but she's still unable to take it off properly yet, so she'll run and fiddle with her cloth nappy until I ask her if she needed to go. Then she'll be taking it off and putting it back on coz Mummy helped. Until she really had to pee, she'd finallyet Mummy pull down her panties and let her sit on the potty and pass urine.
Sweet.
Good night, sweet little one!

Ning @ 23 months

She has quite a number of songs in her repertoire, including:
Finger Family,
London Bridge is Falling Down
Pat-a-cake
Rock a bye baby
And some Chinese songs only Lougong knows, too complicated for me to remember, I only know the tune

Ning is also very expressive giving specific instructions to get what she wants. E.g. If she wants Mummy to go out while Mummy is lying on soda reading, she will say...
1. Mummy get up from sofa irst
2. Mummy stand up
3. Mummy come (holds Mummy's hand)
4. Ning put on shoe first
5. Mummy take key (sometimes with 'please')
6. Mummy open the door and Ning go out say hello to Kakak and come back ok?
This is the part Mummy have to come up with some excuse or oblige.

She's also eating much more nowadays. Almost one full adult rice bowl of rice with dishes.

She also just had first stomach flu from childcare (8 vomiting cases reported since Ning). She started throwing up after going to bed. We bathed her because her whole body was covered in vomit. Then she nursed again, and threw up again. And Lougong had to change the sheets and blow dry.

Mummy changed her and we moved into next room. She had more milk and tried to sleep, but she threw up all the milk again. Lougong complained I 'overfed' her. So he made Ribena for her. This time we wiped her and changed her. And she just vomited again after Ribena. So we gave up, pat her to sleep. After 45 minutes, she coughed and threw up again. This time on our last dry mattress. I didn't dare sleep lest she threw up in her sleep and choked on her vomit. The moment she started, I'd prop her up. At one point, she didnt want Mummy's milk and insisted on Ribena. This carried on til 3am after which she slept til 06:30am.

We went to the clinic twice. Once her Ning and myself. Second round for Mummy and Papa. Thankfully she stopped vomiting after the medicine. At least the food reaches her stomach, right? Right, then she started diarrhea. Still better than vomit. I've learnt to be very grateful. Sigh. She's still uncomplaining and not even a whine heard throughout the ordeal. I was petrified when she went limp and her head flopped from side to side at one point. I almost begged Lougong to bring us to the hospital, but he reasoned she has no fever, can wait til morning. I couldnt sleep, kept checking her breathing and heartbeat. Both her fast and strong. I'm just glad everything is fine now.

On retrospect, we should've taken turns to monitor her. Instead I watched her til I sleep while Lougong busied cleaning up and then slept.

Cooking again and 3rd morning without nursing

I've been cooking again, after clearing some obsolete stuff in the kitchen and getting some new cookware.
The microwave was sold.
Now we have a Zojirushi Micom 5.5 cup rice cooker and a 6L thermal cooker. The rice cooker makes perfect porridge and rice. It's not too big that it feels overwhelming to wash.
We've 3 main types of menu:
Steamed fish (usually salmon) with ginger juice, capsicums and spring onions
Slow cooked soy sauce chicken with dong Kwai
4 vegetable soup (carrots, potatoes, tomatoes and corn)
So far, the rice cooker is most used. Haven't really used the thermal pot for many soups. Have bought a steam rack for rice cooker, so maybe can have soup and meat :)
At the same time, Ning seems to be eating more now. We found out she could eat half of square bowl full of rice, pork and soup when she had dinner at Aloysius, Brian and Claire's home. So we also target that amount. So far, she's almost always finished her portions, compared to half or less that she's used to.
It's more work and tiring, but seeing her eat and grow makes it worthwhile :)

Club HDB Childcare Sports Day

She ran with a bean bag balanced on her head and dumped it into a bin!

Well rehearsed, kudos to the teachers, Ms Soundhari, Ms Yang and Ms Lee Cheng!

Magic Framed Sep 11

Simple sentences & fave phrases @ 22 mths

Mummy play hide and seek with Papa.
Ning Ning's water bottle straw.
Mummy sit there.
Mummy eat fish ball.
Mickey Mouse fall down on the floor already.
Mickey Mouse see helicopter.
See mosquito bite on elbow.
Put milk in this water bottle (sigh, after I made it in her milk bottle, at least she'll drink it).
Take off panties/nappies first (before toilet).

Where is moon?

Mine!
Mummy! (and repetitions)
Papa!
Wake up!
Let's go!
Don't want doggy wow wow! (after fierce dog barked at her)
Open door. Take keys first.
Playground!
Go playground!
Put on blue shirt.

And she's VERY friendly and clear.
She's pointed and named people quite clearly:
Kakak
Abang
Gong gong
Jie jie
Go go
Uncle
And sometimes, most embarrassingly, AUNTY!
A well dressed 30s lady looked so embarrassed when called aunty that she pretended not to look at her.

So now it's Jie Jie unless Jie Jie turns out to be Mummy, then it's Aunty.

Singing in the bathroom @ school

She's singing away happily while waiting for her turn to shower.

Photos from Nov 2010 - Jul 2011